I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
