I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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