I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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