He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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