While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't put those talents on a resume
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
