the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
