i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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