Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
