What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
