YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
