It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
