from now on my penis is your penis
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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