The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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