I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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