Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
