I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize