Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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