ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize