I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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