Your face is a jimmy john
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
