No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
