You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
