guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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