I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
birth control should be required to get into college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
