maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
