I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
