Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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