their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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