If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
