I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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