I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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