They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
