My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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