my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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