20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
