We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
