I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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