yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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