if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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