i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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