mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
