I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize