So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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