It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
