remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
