My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
