wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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