I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?