Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.