Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.