I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
