The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
