Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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