totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This house was built for laser tag.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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