I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
