Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
