Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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