yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
