I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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