He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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