How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
