I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
