So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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