Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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