I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
