Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
