he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
