I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
