As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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