So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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