listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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