i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He better not be in your backpack
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize