A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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