The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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