so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
