we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize