A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
