some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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